People Pleasing Quiz

People Pleasing is often exhibited in people who identify as having high functioning depression. This assessment is a tool for self-reflection, not a substitute for professional diagnosis or treatment. Let’s start this important self-exploration together.

Disclaimer: This quiz is for informational purposes only and should not be used as a diagnostic tool. It does not replace professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

Takes 7 minutes

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Explanations: This is likely because I feel uncomfortable if I don’t do for others because my identity is tied up in what I can give and/or do for anyone but myself.

Examples: Could include things like staying up all night working on projects for my child’s school so that I am accepted by other parents. Staying in line for hours to get tickets to a show for someone I’ve only been dating for a short period of time, in order to gain their approval.

Explanations: Other people frequently take advantage of me because they sense that I am not assertive and that I am conflict avoidant.

Examples: Mothers may ask me to pick up their kids from school. People expect me to pay the bill/tab. Co-workers asks me to take on some of their duties. My boss frequently asks me to stay late or to take on more work.

Explanations: There is an inner tendency to self-sabotage and end up in situations that are not in my best interest. This may be due to feelings of unworthiness.

Examples: Being in a relationship with someone who is married. Being attracted to people that I need to fix or rescue. Not setting boundaries with a hypocritical parent. Trying out for a team that has a notoriously toxic coach. Trying out for a sorority or fraternity where abuse is rampant.

Explanations: Feelings of guilt when not working and believing I am undeserving of enjoyment or leisure. Feeling that I have not accomplished enough and instead have to be more productive. I feel unworthy of rest or a break.

Examples: Skip the office happy hour to tie up extra work. Clean the house while everyone else in the family is relaxing or watching a movie. During the holidays while everyone else is opening presents, I am the one cleaning up the gift-wrapping paper.

Explanations: When others help me I feel guilty. When others help me I feel undeserving.

Examples: I clean the house before the housekeeper comes over. I throw a party/event on my own and turn down others offers to help. I struggle with carrying luggage, yet when a stranger offers to help I turn them away even though I am physically struggling.

Explanations: I feel unworthiness or discomfort when people treat me well. When people mistreat me this feels more familiar. I am more accustomed to being taken advantage of or badly treated.

Examples: Feel uncomfortable receiving compliments. When getting an honor, I may joke and downplay it. When invited to an exclusive event may turn down the invitation because I believe I do not belong with that exclusive crowd.

Explanations: I feel unworthy after a big or small accomplishment. This could be due to believing that somehow I got lucky or it was the right timing. There is a self-denial of my own talents, hard work, and perseverance.

Examples: I receive an award and I trip and fall on the stage because on a deeper level I did not believe I should be praised. My job offered to honor me with a public award and I decided that I’d rather accept the award privately. I worked hard for a promotion and when I got it I didn’t tell anyone because I did not want to be celebrated.